so in the end, roomie and i went for the hall 6's one night stand. yes, sounds scandalous but but but its just a pure outing to Jurong East Entertainment Centre and Geylang for dinner & supper. been spending alot on food and stuffs, expenditure of staying in hall is really very high..looks like i diedie also cannotn give up my tuitions. anyway, my p1 boy desmond is such a gem that i wouldn't bear to give him up although he's not exactly very smart. outing was great, got to know a few more hall 6 people, talked to a few seniors and gained a few insights. sx from my school, a year 3 senior talked to us as well. makes me ponder and wonder where i will be 4 years later when i graduate from university. ohwell, shall not think about that cos im just one foot into uni. i will just keep telling myself that i can do it and im going to do it! (:

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im having this very ambitious thought of juggling so many things at one time. im already feeling the strain when it hasn't really started on me, full force at least. 6 tutees isn't a joke with 7 sessions per week. thinking of joining tv spectrum as well as basketball but im not that kind of "cannot-commit-still-want-to-TRY" girl. also also, the idea of doing a tv advertisement for ibda'a intrigues me simply because i'm a newbie in this line and..the theme simply suits what i feel like doing now. signed up for cip too, going alone because i couldn't find anyone with the time nor the interest. well, not surprising. people nowadays hardly even have time for themselves and this is scary. this is a norm but i rather i not follow it.

i don't totally have faith in my time management (time now 1:49am and im like, blogging here) but i don't stress myself out. okay maybe i do, but i keep it at minimum level with damage control in mind (: all i want to do now is, something i like, something i enjoy, something i will learn from (:

i got to admit that im scared because i seemed so lag behind other people and i don't seem to make a great improvement. but but but, i must really give myself time- cos this line isn't all about...catching up with others.

its about finding your own style.....

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yesterday finally played decent balling in school with some of the usuals. i played unusually good, which was partly because i gave up on my style. i used to believe that winning does not matter, whats more important is the process. that was far too untrue and naive. what is the most important is the respect you have for your opponents. even if they are easy opponents, you should not let your guards off and joke around when they are totally serious. its a form of respect that you do not act in a manner of mockery. it may be unintended, but the effects are felt. and worst of all, it had to come from people whom i have been balling with most of the times right now. i could feel my anger building up on the court yesterday and i was trying to control it. to no avail, my anger wasn't much appeased and i felt worse trying to control. and i began to slacken and gave attitude to my friends. this is me, if im unhappy, i may not say it but i will definitely show it.

i wasn't very pleased at the end of the game though we won with the last shot by me. i felt that i could be happier with a game of basketball. i played that hard yesterday, just to show the fact that, all kinds of players need respect too. although i will never say it to them, i hope they understand someday.

friendships are hard to maintain. and the crisis seems to be coming.
wx said he feels that im like the head of the clique. i am not, i organised because i wanted to..i wasn't obliged. but with other people's feelings of obligation, my heart is weary enough.

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after a whole week of missing in action at home, im finally back to where i belong (: finally a smile on my weary face. the idea of staying in hall is really exciting and i don't deny that hall 6 is a hyperactive hall with many sociable hallmates. but it really gets drainy as this is just another part of the school. school so far has been okay, but im getting very inconfident about being in a school of comm studies. the thought of it is scary enough and i still can't imagine my 4 years down the road. im nothing like the schoolmates that i know. not eloquent nor knowledgeable, not creative nor confident. nothing near them. and so, where do i stand?

the first week has finally ended, leaving no scars in the heart, just a heavier heart brought home. friends i made in cs really do help alot in brightening up the days especially when most of us went crazy over STARS (and still, i didn't really get the ideal modules). although most of the times were happy times between me and roomie, also bestie, there were times when i wished i was alone, or..maybe both of us can be more understanding. though im usually the one who is more impatient, i feel that its a lack of understanding and forgivance between the both of us.

finally home. didn't miss home alot but anywya..yeah

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wanyi was showing me her physics teacher's blog and i decided to use the host that he was using. looks cool and most importantly, deserted. anyway her teacher's blogs were cool, filled with family pictures and the growing up process of his three kids. fortunate, lucky and blissed, i would say. when i have kids in the future, i will blog about them and their growth, and how my life is completed with them around. oh well, seems still abit too far right now. university is starting in like a few days' time.

time really passes very quickly. it seems like only yesterday when i talked about my psle, 'O' & 'A' levels results. growing up is way too fast...i wish i can slow down and enjoy more of the scenary of the growing up journey.

hee. no time to lose anyway. just planned the schedule of my remaining of holidays and it looks really scary! so scary that i woke up before my alarm clock does the usual work.

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